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-[fortune-cookie] you will buy a new set of clothes
-	you will be hit over the head with a piano falling from a [ordinal] floor window
-	you will be audited by the irs
-	you will be audited by the irs because of your activity in the [org-political]
-	you will be held hostage by the radical [org-political]
-	you will be run over by a [bus]
-	you will find yourself as the victim of a bizarre practical joke
-	you will contract a rare form of [plural+last-name] disease
-	you will grow fat and bald
-	you will lose your present job and have to become a [job]
-	you will run for public office and only receive [half-digit+percent] of the vote
-	your spouse will eventually find out about you-know what
-	you will accidentally run over your neighbor's pet [animal] and be sued for [1..5] million dollars.
-	you will arrive late at work only to realize that it's a federal holiday
-	you will write a perl script to spit out random text
-	your family will grow suspicious of your newly acquired tattoo
-	you will receive a promotion, only to be terminated a month later by failing a random drug test
-	you will spend the next [2..7] days fighting a flaw in a microsoft product
-	you will become the leader of the [org-political]
-	you will lose your job because of your involvement in the [org-political]
-	you will find the perfect joke to play on your [relative] on april fool's day, only to discover that it's actually april 2nd
-	your television will explode while the [big-game] is on
-	you will receive a [large+bill] [bill-type] dollar bill by mistake
-	you will find a counterfeit [counter-bill] dollar bill on the ground
-	you will discover that everybody really is out to get you
-	you will become successful in business -- unfortunately, that business will violate the laws of [30..49] states
-	you will inherit [40..80] acres of worthless swampland from your relative
-	along with [5..9] billion cockroaches, you will be the only survivor of world war II
-	you will save the world -- Bob's Auto World that is
-	you will move into a mobile home park and then a tornado will strike the very next day
-	you will set a record high golf score
-	a black cat will run across your path today, but thankfully you aren't superstitious (at least not until you get run over by a bus this evening
-	the engine in your [vehicle] will explode precisely [10..35] seconds after your warranty expires
-	while on a business trip to [real-city] you will get lost and wind up in [real-city]
-	you will shoot your eye out with a BB gun, just as your mother said you would
-	you will run out of gas on Interstate [4..99] in the vicinity of nowhere, [us-state] , population [1..25]
-	your website will be hit with the dreaded slashdot effect, causing your webserver to die a painful death
-	you will be abducted by aliens and taken to the secret planet [random-name] [roman-numeral] for extensive probing
-	you will become the editor for a tabloid newspaper
-	you will soon realize that your life is completely indistinguishable from "Dilbert" cartoons
-	you will hurt your hand while thumping a Bible
-	you will discover the meaning of life at the bottom of a beer bottle, but you won't remember what it is after you sober up in the morning
-	you will receive a blank fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant, an event regarded by most superstition experts as a "bad omen"
-	you will be falsely accused of jaywalking
-	you will suffer a nosebleed during a speech in front of [speech+num] people
-	you will receive [50..100] credit card offers in the mail during the next week
-	you will receive [speech+num] pieces of spam email during the next year
-	your favorite tv show will be cancelled and replaced with an infomercial
-	you will lose your life savings in las vegas
-	you will sign a contract requiring you to hand over your first born son to a large multinational corporation
-	your [progeny] will lose a spelling bee after misspelling [quote+name]
-	you will be declared a "town drunk" by your local city council
-	you will be responsible for an international incident
-	medical studies will reveal that your favorite [food] causes [bad-thing]
-	you will be deported to [nation]
-	you will realize that your life really is completely meaningless
-	you will appear on "who wants to be a millionaire?" and fail to answer the first $100 question
-	you will be sued by major league baseball for taping the world series on your vcr without prior written consent
-	you will be at the losing end of a [300..500] dollar lawsuit
-	you will receive a [100..500] dollar parking ticket from [real-city] even though you have never been there
-	every single time you visit the doctor's office, the doctor will be out playing golf
-	until the day you die, you will never understand what the saying "Life is like a bowl of cherries" actually means
-	your hometown baseball team will never win the world series
-	your brand-new [comp+amount] dollar computer will be struck by lightning [3..6] hours after you first plug it in
-	you will send the author of this fortune [hundred+amount] in plain, unmarked bills with the next week
-	you will be excommunicated from your church after you accidentally fall asleep and start snoring during services
-	your personal information will be in the hands of [100..500] large, evil multinational corporations by the time you finish reading this fortune
-
-pragma initial-rule [fortune-cookie]
-
-[vehicle] car
-	truck
-	suv
-	minivan
-
-[bus] cross-town bus
-	beer truck
-	police car
-
-[big-game] super bowl
-	world series
-	big game
-
-[bill-type] hospital
-	car repair
-	credit card
-
-[counter-bill] 3
-	5
-	10
-	13
-	20
-	50
-	100
-
-[plural+last-name] [last-name] 's
-
-[half-digit+percent] [1..5] %
-
-[large+bill] [digit-nonzero] [digit] [digit] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
-
-[digit+digit] [digit] . [digit]
-
-[speech+num] [5..10] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
-
-[progeny] son
-	daughter
-
-[quote+name] " [random-name] "
-
-[food] food
-	beverage
-	snack
-
-[bad-thing] cancer
-	heart disease
-	insanity
-
-[comp+amount] [2..4] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
-
-[hundred+amount] $ [digit-nonzero] 00
-
-[job] 'WRITE ME'