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+[fortune-cookie] you will buy a new set of clothes
+	you will be hit over the head with a piano falling from a [ordinal] floor window
+	you will be audited by the irs
+	you will be audited by the irs because of your activity in the [org-political]
+	you will be held hostage by the radical [org-political]
+	you will be run over by a [bus]
+	you will find yourself as the victim of a bizarre practical joke
+	you will contract a rare form of [plural+last-name] disease
+	you will grow fat and bald
+	you will lose your present job and have to become a [job]
+	you will run for public office and only receive [half-digit+percent] of the vote
+	your spouse will eventually find out about you-know what
+	you will accidentally run over your neighbor's pet [animal] and be sued for [1..5] million dollars.
+	you will arrive late at work only to realize that it's a federal holiday
+	you will write a perl script to spit out random text
+	your family will grow suspicious of your newly acquired tattoo
+	you will receive a promotion, only to be terminated a month later by failing a random drug test
+	you will spend the next [2..7] days fighting a flaw in a microsoft product
+	you will become the leader of the [org-political]
+	you will lose your job because of your involvement in the [org-political]
+	you will find the perfect joke to play on your [relative] on april fool's day, only to discover that it's actually april 2nd
+	your television will explode while the [big-game] is on
+	you will receive a [large+bill] [bill-type] dollar bill by mistake
+	you will find a counterfeit [counter-bill] dollar bill on the ground
+	you will discover that everybody really is out to get you
+	you will become successful in business -- unfortunately, that business will violate the laws of [30..49] states
+	you will inherit [40..80] acres of worthless swampland from your relative
+	along with [5..9] billion cockroaches, you will be the only survivor of world war II
+	you will save the world -- Bob's Auto World that is
+	you will move into a mobile home park and then a tornado will strike the very next day
+	you will set a record high golf score
+	a black cat will run across your path today, but thankfully you aren't superstitious (at least not until you get run over by a bus this evening
+	the engine in your [vehicle] will explode precisely [10..35] seconds after your warranty expires
+	while on a business trip to [real-city] you will get lost and wind up in [real-city]
+	you will shoot your eye out with a BB gun, just as your mother said you would
+	you will run out of gas on Interstate [4..99] in the vicinity of nowhere, [us-state] , population [1..25]
+	your website will be hit with the dreaded slashdot effect, causing your webserver to die a painful death
+	you will be abducted by aliens and taken to the secret planet [random-name] [roman-numeral] for extensive probing
+	you will become the editor for a tabloid newspaper
+	you will soon realize that your life is completely indistinguishable from "Dilbert" cartoons
+	you will hurt your hand while thumping a Bible
+	you will discover the meaning of life at the bottom of a beer bottle, but you won't remember what it is after you sober up in the morning
+	you will receive a blank fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant, an event regarded by most superstition experts as a "bad omen"
+	you will be falsely accused of jaywalking
+	you will suffer a nosebleed during a speech in front of [speech+num] people
+	you will receive [50..100] credit card offers in the mail during the next week
+	you will receive [speech+num] pieces of spam email during the next year
+	your favorite tv show will be cancelled and replaced with an infomercial
+	you will lose your life savings in las vegas
+	you will sign a contract requiring you to hand over your first born son to a large multinational corporation
+	your [progeny] will lose a spelling bee after misspelling [quote+name]
+	you will be declared a "town drunk" by your local city council
+	you will be responsible for an international incident
+	medical studies will reveal that your favorite [food] causes [bad-thing]
+	you will be deported to [nation]
+	you will realize that your life really is completely meaningless
+	you will appear on "who wants to be a millionaire?" and fail to answer the first $100 question
+	you will be sued by major league baseball for taping the world series on your vcr without prior written consent
+	you will be at the losing end of a [300..500] dollar lawsuit
+	you will receive a [100..500] dollar parking ticket from [real-city] even though you have never been there
+	every single time you visit the doctor's office, the doctor will be out playing golf
+	until the day you die, you will never understand what the saying "Life is like a bowl of cherries" actually means
+	your hometown baseball team will never win the world series
+	your brand-new [comp+amount] dollar computer will be struck by lightning [3..6] hours after you first plug it in
+	you will send the author of this fortune [hundred+amount] in plain, unmarked bills with the next week
+	you will be excommunicated from your church after you accidentally fall asleep and start snoring during services
+	your personal information will be in the hands of [100..500] large, evil multinational corporations by the time you finish reading this fortune
+
+pragma initial-rule [fortune-cookie]
+
+[vehicle] car
+	truck
+	suv
+	minivan
+
+[bus] cross-town bus
+	beer truck
+	police car
+
+[big-game] super bowl
+	world series
+	big game
+
+[bill-type] hospital
+	car repair
+	credit card
+
+[counter-bill] 3
+	5
+	10
+	13
+	20
+	50
+	100
+
+[plural+last-name] [last-name] 's
+
+[half-digit+percent] [1..5] %
+
+[large+bill] [digit-nonzero] [digit] [digit] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
+
+[digit+digit] [digit] . [digit]
+
+[speech+num] [5..10] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
+
+[progeny] son
+	daughter
+
+[quote+name] " [random-name] "
+
+[food] food
+	beverage
+	snack
+
+[bad-thing] cancer
+	heart disease
+	insanity
+
+[comp+amount] [2..4] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
+
+[hundred+amount] $ [digit-nonzero] 00
+
+[job] 'WRITE ME'