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[fortune-cookie] you will buy a new set of clothes
you will be hit over the head with a piano falling from a [ordinal] floor window
you will be audited by the irs
you will be audited by the irs because of your activity in the [org-political]
you will be held hostage by the radical [org-political]
you will be run over by a [bus]
you will find yourself as the victim of a bizarre practical joke
you will contract a rare form of [plural+last-name] disease
you will grow fat and bald
you will lose your present job and have to become a [job]
you will run for public office and only receive [half-digit+percent] of the vote
your spouse will eventually find out about you-know what
you will accidentally run over your neighbor's pet [animal] and be sued for [1..5] million dollars.
you will arrive late at work only to realize that it's a federal holiday
you will write a perl script to spit out random text
your family will grow suspicious of your newly acquired tattoo
you will receive a promotion, only to be terminated a month later by failing a random drug test
you will spend the next [2..7] days fighting a flaw in a microsoft product
you will become the leader of the [org-political]
you will lose your job because of your involvement in the [org-political]
you will find the perfect joke to play on your [relative] on april fool's day, only to discover that it's actually april 2nd
your television will explode while the [big-game] is on
you will receive a [large+bill] [bill-type] dollar bill by mistake
you will find a counterfeit [counter-bill] dollar bill on the ground
you will discover that everybody really is out to get you
you will become successful in business -- unfortunately, that business will violate the laws of [30..49] states
you will inherit [40..80] acres of worthless swampland from your relative
along with [5..9] billion cockroaches, you will be the only survivor of world war II
you will save the world -- Bob's Auto World that is
you will move into a mobile home park and then a tornado will strike the very next day
you will set a record high golf score
a black cat will run across your path today, but thankfully you aren't superstitious (at least not until you get run over by a bus this evening
the engine in your [vehicle] will explode precisely [10..35] seconds after your warranty expires
while on a business trip to [real-city] you will get lost and wind up in [real-city]
you will shoot your eye out with a BB gun, just as your mother said you would
you will run out of gas on Interstate [4..99] in the vicinity of nowhere, [us-state] , population [1..25]
your website will be hit with the dreaded slashdot effect, causing your webserver to die a painful death
you will be abducted by aliens and taken to the secret planet [random-name] [roman-numeral] for extensive probing
you will become the editor for a tabloid newspaper
you will soon realize that your life is completely indistinguishable from "Dilbert" cartoons
you will hurt your hand while thumping a Bible
you will discover the meaning of life at the bottom of a beer bottle, but you won't remember what it is after you sober up in the morning
you will receive a blank fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant, an event regarded by most superstition experts as a "bad omen"
you will be falsely accused of jaywalking
you will suffer a nosebleed during a speech in front of [speech+num] people
you will receive [50..100] credit card offers in the mail during the next week
you will receive [speech+num] pieces of spam email during the next year
your favorite tv show will be cancelled and replaced with an infomercial
you will lose your life savings in las vegas
you will sign a contract requiring you to hand over your first born son to a large multinational corporation
your [progeny] will lose a spelling bee after misspelling [quote+name]
you will be declared a "town drunk" by your local city council
you will be responsible for an international incident
medical studies will reveal that your favorite [food] causes [bad-thing]
you will be deported to [nation]
you will realize that your life really is completely meaningless
you will appear on "who wants to be a millionaire?" and fail to answer the first $100 question
you will be sued by major league baseball for taping the world series on your vcr without prior written consent
you will be at the losing end of a [300..500] dollar lawsuit
you will receive a [100..500] dollar parking ticket from [real-city] even though you have never been there
every single time you visit the doctor's office, the doctor will be out playing golf
until the day you die, you will never understand what the saying "Life is like a bowl of cherries" actually means
your hometown baseball team will never win the world series
your brand-new [comp+amount] dollar computer will be struck by lightning [3..6] hours after you first plug it in
you will send the author of this fortune [hundred+amount] in plain, unmarked bills with the next week
you will be excommunicated from your church after you accidentally fall asleep and start snoring during services
your personal information will be in the hands of [100..500] large, evil multinational corporations by the time you finish reading this fortune
pragma initial-rule [fortune-cookie]
[vehicle] car
truck
suv
minivan
[bus] cross-town bus
beer truck
police car
[big-game] super bowl
world series
big game
[bill-type] hospital
car repair
credit card
[counter-bill] 3
5
10
13
20
50
100
[plural+last-name] [last-name] 's
[half-digit+percent] [1..5] %
[large+bill] [digit-nonzero] [digit] [digit] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
[digit+digit] [digit] . [digit]
[speech+num] [5..10] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
[progeny] son
daughter
[quote+name] " [random-name] "
[food] food
beverage
snack
[bad-thing] cancer
heart disease
insanity
[comp+amount] [2..4] , [digit] [digit] [digit]
[hundred+amount] $ [digit-nonzero] 00
[job] 'WRITE ME'
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